March 16, 2008

Blog Circle Jerk: Our First Porno


BY VINCENT LAMBERT

Ever done a circle jerk? Us either. Hey, what can we say? We never went away to college. But we’re making up for lost time now. VincentLambert.com, along with other gay porn sites, has been asked by QueerMeNow.net to take part in a new monthly online event in which a group of bloggers post articles about the same preassigned topic. It’s sort of like synchronized gay porn blogging! Anyway, this month’s topic is: “Your First Porno. Please share with us about the first porn you ever saw.“ We had to dig deep into the memory banks for this, but here’s what Vince came up with:

For some reason I can’t remember which gay porn was the first. It was probably a Jeff Stryker movie, like Powertool, or an Al Parker classic, like Spokes (Dick Fisk, yum). Maybe it was William Higgins’ Class Reunion. But I do vividly recall my first straight porn. Some friends and I ditched school and snuck off to a seedy porn theater in a neighboring town. It was sort of like the “art cinema” that Francine Fishpaw’s husband runs in the hysterical John Waters movie Polyester, right on the main street of the town among other storefronts. (In the film, he shows porn epics like My Burning Bush, and the townies picket the theater and accost the patrons as they slink out.) Anyway, we wore hats and dark glasses in the middle of the day (not too obvious) and entered the cool darkness of the theater. And up there on the big screen, in all her glory, was Pretty Peaches—and she was mesmerizing. (Years later, director Chi Chi LaRue told me that this was the first porn movie she ever saw too!)

The star of Pretty Peaches was Desiree Cousteau (no relation to Jacques), and she played some horny free-spirited chick who banged lots of guys. The plot is cloudy (I know there was a wedding scene, and then Peaches got amnesia, and finally an enema sequence that became famous), but, of course, I still remember two of those guys: Joey Silvera (who was young, smooth and cute) and John Leslie (who was more mature, muscular and hairy). (They both went on to become major directors on the straight side after their time as performers was over.) And I was quite taken with Desiree, too. She was pretty and funny and had big (natural) boobs. After the movie came out, I saw an ad in The New York Post announcing her appearance at a local club. Being young and quite naive, I immediately called my friends and asked if they wanted to go see Desiree Cousteau in concert!

After I started covering the industry in the 1990s, I met Robin Byrd and she told me that she had worked with Desiree in a film and became friends with her. Sadly, according to the cable hostess, our Pretty Peaches ended up in the loony bin. Her whereabouts today are unknown. But luckily her work in this 1978 classic directed by Alex deRenzy lives on. And she will always be the peach who popped my porn cherry.

So, dear readers, what’s your very First Porno? Leave a comment and let us know. And to read the First Porno experiences of others at the Blog Circle Jerk, click here.

7 comments:

Ronnie Larsen said...

And I thought the first porn you ever saw was that amateur thing you and me shot at your house the first night we met, back in 1978, after dancing all night at Studio 54. Remember that night? It was glorious! Oh Vincent, you make me so nostalgic. I miss 8MM.

PS I had lunch with Peaches last week. She still asks about you. She reads your blog everyday. All her friends in the looney bin are huge fans of VincentLambert.com.

Keep up the great work, my friend.

Vincent Lambert said...

ooopppss! that is next month’s topic: my SECRET porno. love to Peaches! :)

Angel Benton said...

Let's not forget that "Pretty Peaches" was also notable because it was the onscreen debut of none other than Sharon Kane, who went on to have a prolific porn career in both straight and bi porn (and gay too, she's a current GAYVN nominee for non-sexual role for "Little Big League III").

Ronnie Larsen said...

Truly, Vincent, no one knows this but I was actually born in a porno theatre in Times Square. My birth mother, who was 10 months pregnant with me, was on a date with my dad. They were seeing the late showing of Throat, (the prequel to Deepthroat). This was before George Lucas made prequels so popular. It was also before adult film preservation, hence, Throat has been lost to history. But, anyway...

My parents loved porn theaters, in fact, he loved theater in general. My Dad was actually a Shakespearean actor and was appearing as a spear carrier in King Lear at the Winter Garden Theater.

Anyway, during Throat, my Mommas water broke and I gushed out, naked, on to the cold sticky floor, opened my eyes and the first images I ever saw was of a girl giving a guy a BJ and thus began my humble life. True story.

The combination of afterbirth, porn and popcorn burned my corneas but I couldn't close my eyes. Whenever I visit a porn theatre now I feel, in a way, like I'm going home, like I'm returning to the womb. Adult theatre patrons feel like distant cousins to me. So, yes, I was the first baby ever born in a Times Square porn theatre and the first porn movie I ever saw was, Throat. The life-long effect is obvious to anyone who knows me.

Consequently, the unwanted fame was too much for my poor birth parents so they gave me up for adoption and I was raised by loving Mormons in Bakersfield, California. My origins have been a complete secret, til now.

Anyway, Vincent, thanks for letting me share my story on your big hit blog. I love you, man.

PS This can all be verified by Googling the words: Porn, Times Square, baby, afterbirth, Larsen, sad, cornea.

Vincent Lambert said...

Very true! Thanks for pointing that out, Angel. Do you mean Sharon Kane is a current nominee for the Grabby Awards? She lost the GAYVN this year, but she’s still fab.

Gino Colbert said...

I remember Desiree Costeau well and “Pretty Peaches” remains one of the greatest of adult classics. In fact, you’ll see a hint of that story in John Waters’ last film, “A Dirty Shame.” Perhaps Peaches was his inspiration! Miss Costeau was one of the truly great actresses in porn. Alex deRenzy told me many times she was his absolute favorite to work with. She truly had it going on. She loved sex, had incredible charisma and loved being in front of the camera. Many years later, Mr. deRenzy directed a gay feature and tried to recreate that classic enema scene with me, though I couldn’t spray the water out of my ass quite like Desiree could. My friend Kathryn Reed produced “Pretty Peaches” with Alex. She finally got into the GayVN Hall of Fame last year for her incredible body of work. It's great to see “Pretty Peaches” mentioned in your column. It still holds up as terrific entertainment and a hot film, something very few today would know how to make. Gone are the days of such incredible films and talented filmmakers and films that leave such an impact on people.

Angel Benton said...

Yup, you are right. That's what I meant. It's crazy to think that the first porno Sharon was in, was the first porno that Chi Chi saw, considering that he would direct her years later in so many films....