April 10, 2008

Movie Review: Soldiers of Misfortune


Director: Daddy Zeus.
Cast: Derek Da Silva, Bryce Pierce, Tony Buff, Cullen Cable.

There should be a warning label on Soldiers of Misfortune that reads, “No Porn Stars Were Harmed in the Making of This Movie.” If only it were true—or so it appears. In the opening moments of this dismal Daddy Zeus–directed production, two hooded prisoners are tied to posts then tortured mercilessly. The tactics include spitting, punching, flogging and dripping candle wax. By the time the Taser gun came out, we were ready to hit the stop button. But then the sex scenes began. A now portly Bryce Pierce (2001 Zeus Man of the Year in his return to porn) whips out a knife and starts threatening the enormously inflated balls of newcomer Cullen Cable. Bryce still has his elaborately pierced nuts and shaft, but his dick looks like it has been pumped one too many times. Cable ends up in a sling, where Pierce fucks then jacks him to completion.

Far worse is the coupling of Derek Da Silva and Tony Buff, who engage in so much penis punching and ball torture that viewers will be reaching for their protective cups. These two do some 69, ass-eating and Buff eventually tops, but it’s how he uses his fists to jab at Da Silva’s hole as he shoots that will stick in your mind. There are sound, lighting and picture problems, and no such thing as continuity here. When this fearsome foursome finally climbed into a jeep and rode off into the Palm Springs desert at the end, we can’t say we were sorry to see them go. Sure, there’s an audience for this type of specialty product, but hard-core viewers might want to buckle up. (Can-Am Productions/Zeus Studios)


Ronnie Larsen said...

They wanted me for the lead in that movie but my agent told me to pass cause he thought it was too violent. Thanks for confirming the fears of my agent. We can always rely on you to tell it like it is, Vincent.
Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I disagree on the violence aspect. This is what that fetish is about. SHOTGUN makes it's mark by guys beating each others balls. In fact Da Silva was one of those guys. It is BDSM, that's what makes it a fetish.
I do agree about the production elements and continuity somewhat lacking, but then again as an editor/cinematographer I will always be critical there.

Jim Rhatt

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed it, A LOT.
Its BDSM!!
If you don't like BDSM, then go watch a Falcon video!
I think Bryce, Cullen, Tony, and Derek all did outstanding jobs - my only complaint is that it wasn't longer!!